Irony

My life is a giant, ironic joke.

For example, I started this blog during the spring break of my Junior year of high school. Still single, the idea was to glamorize my life and make myself sound more exciting. I blogged more often then than I do now, when my life is exciting and I do have a sex life. I've defeated the purpose of this blog, firstly by hoping to keep this thing anonymous but only giving the link to friends and then by refusing to kiss and tell.

Secondly, throughout a fairly lengthy period, I was given emotional advice by someone who shouldn't even be allowed to give advice with anything outside of hard facts and logic. I follow them today simply because they've become a habit. I'm doing very well with my emotional life.

I've always thought myself to be completely independent. I'm not. I'm a scared little girl who craves attention. I've gotten used to the level of attention I normally get and without that, and especially pumped full of varying levels of estrogen and progesterone, I'm a walking time bomb. I get irritated quickly, I very often crave sympathy and when I do not receive the amount I find satisfactory, I make myself a victim and try to get even more sympathy from other people. My life is grand, but I still do this to myself and others.

My favorite irony is the part where I take advantage of being a woman, but bitch at every other one who doesn't understand the complexities of life. I don't comprehend the entirety of life and I still rant about other people. I will often compare myself to a guy, claim I'm more boyish than I am a girl, but when it comes down to it, I would love to dress up, make up, look pretty and hear a guy stutter out a compliment. And maybe that's why I am a boy most of the time is so the shock I get is real and definitely there all the time.

On the plus side, I'm okay with that. In fact, I'm totally okay with everything in life right now.

The exciting thing is my brothers are finally about ready to start driving themselves. This means I can be more selfish with my scheduling next semester and move closer to moving out. On one side, I look forward to this. On the other, it's a bit scary. I know that with the advantages, I would work my ass off just to be able to stay independent, but I don't want to take advantage of other people. I've been living off of people for the entirety of my life. I guess it's kind of my life goal to give something back to them.