Still Can't Find What Keeps Me Here

I’ve always known how analyzing I could get. A friend was commenting on how my blog spoke of my raunchy dirt but also talked about my experiences on a level where everything’s been broken down and categorized. I analyze the things I do after I do them. I analyze the things I say, the things other people say and do, and while they might not always be accurate or correct, I still read deeper than average people do. I’m always explaining me and how I relate to the world around me…

The reason I’m talking about this is because at the morning, I was reading a blog that’s rather raunchy. The author was talking about her tattoos and in a post before she got her second one, she was analyzing the reasoning behind her first and commented on how the second had to mean something to her.

Well, back when I used to delude myself and think that I knew exactly how I wanted to mutilate my body (i.e. a bellybutton ring; a piercing somewhere on the upper half of my left ear; two or three small tattoos in easy-to-cover places: back, shoulder blades, lower back, lower abdomen; an “identity tattoo” somewhere that I could either add to or shout some blunt statement about myself that will never change), I would try to plot out exactly what to get and why. These things are permanent! I didn’t want to be a billboard of my past, and so chronicling my various stages would do me no good. I wanted something that I could live with for the rest of my life. My name in Chinese, perhaps, and a shameless tribute to my inner demon. My “Bloodmoon” and a rather pretty linear design. I needed to remind the people staring at my body of who I was, and so, my tattoos needed to be planned to fit who I was, yet be modest and easy to hide. They needed to represent something as permanent as they were…

I am once again analyzing what crazy ink-tributes I would request someone leave in my skin…but I’m thinking more of where…This author has a tattoo level with her hips centered on her abdomen. She has another one on her ass. Of course, this author admits to being a nymphomaniac, so the tattoos only go to accent her lifestyle. No matter how much I want to admire the position and strategic lever of the tattoos, I know that I would never be able to achieve that sort of a lifestyle to accommodate for them. I tease…I am subtle…I am the breed of seductive where I could be fully clothed and have 94% of my skin covered, but still make people want me. I am shameless, but classy. I am intricate designs branching from a bellybutton, small knots and vines trailing along a lower back, and modest demonic wings boasting from shoulder blades.

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New topic: Silver challenged me before he signed off a little past midnight. Being the slave to suggestion I am, and as I was incredibly bored, I accepted the challenge. I learned a lot about myself (both related to and not related to the challenge) and really only rekindled the determination my inner demon has. Two and a half hours later, I’m contented and sleepy, finishing the last of my analysis, and trying to keep my mind from wandering to places it’s not supposed to. He challenged me to play with myself. See, now I’m wondering why he challenged me with something like this… It’s going to be an interesting year.

-It Wasn’t Earth-Shattering, But It Was Something
Scarlet Bloodmoon

PS – I just couldn’t resist adding a little bit of my raunchy self into this post…I could have really kept it clean, but where’s the fun in that? I confessed that I tend to make my posts seem as dirty and exciting as possible because I’m bored and want to ensure myself that my life is a lot more interesting than I think it really is, but I do get my share of drama and primetime. I guess my readers will have to take their spoonful of sugar with a little bit of medicine – the “sexcapade” adventures are going to be there, but there will be analysis. You can pick your poison, but the other side is part of the package too.