Pyromania

Maybe it's not just combustion and physical fire that makes me happy and excited. I live for conflict. I've said that many times before, but really, I've never seen me goad and prod for conflict before. Wednesday, Socratic seminar. Totally went in unprepared, half the class apathetic and tired. I managed to play on religious, ethnic, and ethic points that most people would rather avoid. I walked out of that class happy. I was ecstatic that I managed to ruffle some feathers and invoke some emotion. I love getting responses from people. I've learned anger is the easiest one to invoke. You know, it was interesting. I got to the point where I would glance occasionally to the opposite side of the room to gauge the reactions of three people across the huge circle from me, but I mostly left my attention to the people I thought as easy targets: people who would be quick to anger, quick to respond.

I love fire. I love the large amount of spite and anger, the seductive and destructive curve of a flame, the passion and lust in a moment, the spontaneity of life, the energy-intensive and fast-paced informality, the colorblind destruction and unpredictability, I love fire.

I love the feeling of water against my skin. I love that hectic storm, the gentle and soft waters from a controlled source, the sluggish drag of the layers of it resisting my fingertips, the perfect way it molds to my body. I've always loved the water. I've always felt natural in it. I could never swim competitively because it would take away from the dedication and love I devoted to the water every time I was in it. I love the water.

Horoscopically, (so not a word, but I like it) I am earth. I nurture, I allow things to grow, I am the solid foundation upon which others start. I feel happy when others are happy, accomplished when someone else accomplishes something. I derive my happiness from the happiness of others, from knowing that I caused them a little bit of happiness. I need to please; it is how I know I've been doing well.

Really, the only thing I don't have, is the wind. I love the feel of it, I love feeling powerless under it, but I can't claim it, I can't hold it or worship it like I do fire or water. I can't embody it like I do earth. It is my missing piece.

-I Can't Imagine A More Perfect...
Scarlet Bloodmoon