Burnt

4/26/09

So, like two or three weeks ago, I finally gave up. Like, seriously, gave up on school. So, pretty much, slacked off on homework, started not paying as much attention in classes to the point where like three classes actually still matter to me. And so, I've spent the past two or three weeks doing things.

In other news, my phone epic died and I'm supposed to be getting a new one soon ish.

4/28/09

I am so done with school....I can't wait to be out of here...I can't wait to move out. That would be pretty silly to see people actually doing stuff for once. I am absolutely done with being the person that makes everything work. Good luck keeping order in a house of four males and five people total!

I can't wait to be done here. Like, I can seriously do the whole living away from home, but housing is expensive! I don't even really have enough right now to do tuition! Fucking economy...

Oh, so I'm going to Mormon prom. It will be interesting. Maybe I should try to find something where they won't ban me at the door for wearing...But it's not my fault I'm comfortable in my own skin! Everyone else just has to be jealous and self-conscious, and religion just has to kill any sex drive because that frustration motivates people. Fuck that.

-Neh, done
Scarlet Bloodmoon

Closer

Bleh. So I guess, all this week, the most interesting thing that happened was...Monday. Senior ditch day, went to my first three classes and then went home. That was great fun. James came home with me, we had some lunch, watched some TV before ice cream of the nonfrozen persuasion and then taking a nap. We woke up after like three hours on the couch, significantly more sweaty than when we fell asleep. We went back to school, got his car, and then drove down to Downtown Chandler to get new tires for my car. Like four hours later, I get home, go pick up my car from the auto shop, and then come home to do some stuff on the internet.

So, today is the 19th. A year ago, lots of things happened. I got kicked out of my house, walked to Bari's, saw Sweeny Todd with her family, went out to dinner with her family, and then went to a friend's birthday party. Anyways, you can go back a year to that post.

Went swimming today. I should really do my homework...

-Neh
Scarlet Bloodmoon

Prom

I guess it all started way back in March. It was like...a week before the 20th or something, I don't remember, but I drove down to My Sister's Closet and picked out a dress. One shop, one dress to try on, and that was it. I didn't go to five thousand different stores and I didn't try on dress after dress. I do that stuff for fun, not dress shopping. So I spent less than 40 dollars on my dress, and it took me half an hour of debating whether or not I want to spend like 37 dollars on a dress. I'd like to see a girl beat that figure.

That same day, I picked out James' birthday present. I went to two stores for that one.

Then, pretty much three weeks later, I started considering things. Like hardcore considering. Things to match with, hairstyle, makeup...and for a week, I considered and "researched" and then for two days tried and played with. The day before Prom, everything was figured out. I bought a curling iron, and played with it. I probably did my hair three times in those two days before I left my house in my dress. I will be super generous and say it took me about 24 hours cumulatively to get ready.

Dinner was super fun. We went to the Indian place down in Tempe and spent fifteen dollars on the meal. It was super filling too. And then we got ice cream for $2.14. We got there, went in, met up with some people, looked/waiting for some people, danced, and just had a lot of fun. Not as destructive as last year though...and it looked like there were considerably less teachers in the main room than there were last year. Gamal got Prom King and Amanda got Queen. Not bad. They Rick Rolled everyone on the way out. It was ridiculous.

After that, we went to Denny's (and by "we," that would be James and me) and we had a small snack. And then we went "home" and went to bed.

So all in all, Prom cost us:

80 (tux rental)
70 (tickets)
40 (dress)
33 (food and drink)
10 (gas)
5 (corsage and boutineer material)
((And some other stuff that we had thought of, but I can't recall...but that was about 50))

for a total of 295 dollars...somehow.

Take that everyone else. Our Prom cost us about as much as a really pricey dress, which I'm sure some girl went out and bought.

-Fuck Yeah
Scarlet Bloodmoon

Really? 237? Wow

I got bored last night, while I should be sleeping, and started counting. I count things for fun. Normally how many days have past since significant dates or events, and other silly stuff like that. So, I started thinking about how James has joked about going just enough to officially be my longest relationship and then end it. Well, so I counted. My longest relationship lasted 237 days and this one is at 231. So, officially, Saturday April 11, 2009 James will have won. That is also the day of Prom.

Today is Daniel's birthday. I woke up to my alarm at 7:30. For a brief moment, I wondered why I was getting up. Oh. AP Chem study session. I genuinely enjoy Dr. Kelvin and AP Chem, so I drag myself out of bed, get ready, listen to this interview on the radio for a bit and then leave. Around 1, I get back home, after weaving around Val Vista/Lindsey and Riggs. I really didn't want to come home, and really, I had till 3. So, I get home, get to my room, become frustrated with having nothing to do and go back to bed.

OH! that reminds me of this weird dream I had. So, the world was being taken over by aliens. Yes. It started off with this asteroid hitting earth and soon, alien space ships start arriving. Um...so basically I was running around with one of the robotics mentors, trying not to be overpowered by the aliens, which I guess are shapeless or generically shaped, because I don't remember what they looked like. They were "pacifists" though, and persuaded people to join them. Creepy! Um...and apparently, people were getting ready for Prom? And so it was like half of a day before the dance, running around, aliens, trying to run away from people and defeat the aliens, being trapped, and then waking up? It was ridiculous. I think the weirdest part was during the dream, I was contemplating fellatio? I don't know. It's just one of those things.

Um...so I took a nap, woke up, my mom apparently bought a cake and my dad had bought a cake, so we're like...One of them is for Jeremy? My dad sucks at knowing how old we are. I swear, he only pays attention to when Jeremy and I turn 18 because then he has total control over whether or not we stay here. Tch.

I'm so excited for the rest of the year, though. This will be so much fun and I can't wait.

Ooh! So we're going back to Taiwan over the summer. My mom was talking about the things we could go do and I'm genuinely excited for an opportunity to go back. Um...That's about it.

So, I started this post to talk about April 11, and ended up rambling. That's cool.

-I can't Wait?
Scarlet Bloodmoon

Metacognition

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The New Dawn

We are all finally adults, but it doesn't feel like it. I still agree with everything everyone says, and am in the middle of all the groups because of it. I still have the messiest room ever, but that's how my mind works. I still am in love with giving away all of my time, am still super miserly, and I am still a kid unless I grew up so fast I don't remember the transition.

It's scary. Technically, I could be in charge of children: pure, innocent, clean slates. This scares me to no end. I am not ready for huge responsibility. Sometimes, I'm not even responsible enough for myself and constantly amaze myself that I can actually get up in the mornings. When did this happen?

Finally, James is legal. It's been three months since I've been legal, and for those three months, it really hasn't bothered me. But, finally, we can do stuff that he's never been able to. Umm...like we can go to clubs? But I guess, we're not really going to do much of that stuff...

(March 22, 2009)

He got all excited about the things he is now allowed to do, and asked if I had felt it too. I really haven't. Life hasn't really changed for me since I turned 18. I am now more cautious because my dad has a short temper and can really throw me out and I'd have nowhere to go. All of my friends were 17 still and I would have no one to do silly and crazy adult stuff with. I mean, yeah, I can get tattoos and piercings, but I don't want to look after it, and I don't want to not be able to do stuff because of a huge open wound thing I have.

So, I was reading some of my first posts, going through the first like 25 posts to find a date of something before going back and reading things. It is silly how many things don't apply anymore, or contrast so sharply from what is today. There was a post way back in March, probably a little more than a year ago, where I talk about a tad of palm-reading I had read into and what the meanings of pinky rings were. Well, over the summer, I had gotten one: a cute little silver ring with a spherical piece of hematite mounted and such. And then, I think shortly after getting it, we go to the beach. These two Polish guys come up to me and blatantly start flirting with me despite the language barrier. It got to the point where the guy who was mainly flirting had to rely on the other guy to translate. That was ridiculous. But before I got the ring, we had gone to a club and I had gotten two guys to dance with me simultaneously. So I guess, I'm just the type of person where I exude a sense of confidence to the point where I'm approachable, but still picky enough to need some sort of stability to go further than simple banter.

When I was in Eindhoven, I had a slightly prophetic dream? James was sitting in a wooden chair without arms and I had approached him. Either there was some light banter, or not, but eventually, I kissed him. He pulled me onto his lap and we kissed again. Beaming, I had said, "We suck at being just friends." As it turns out, yes, we were the worst "just friends" couple ever.

But anyways, I guess the whole point of this little digression was to say that my pinky ring doesn't really mean that I'm looking for sex (even though when I lose it, we seem to find less time for it), but that I had left all of my emotional baggage and finally moved on. It was also the joint that I had participated in smoking, and the other that I had shared with Jeremy. It was dancing with about four or five people at the club, getting slightly tipsy, and just having a great time in a manner my goody-goody self wouldn't do. Yes, I got sex after I got my ring, but only because I had left every bit of the morals I could live without behind. And to think that at one point, I had declared to practice abstinence. Tch.

So I guess from here on out, everything I do is my decision. I have no one to blame for the things I do except myself. Well, at least I can go buy things to make the rest of my life just a little bit more fun.

-Give Me The Road to Fulfillment; Forget Morals and Decency
Scarlet Bloodmoon

Woo, It's been a year and two days.

Wow, I was really a whiny little girl. And it's silly: I started this thing 367 days ago to detail any amount of scandal or gossip in my life in an attempt to convince myself that Spring Break didn't have to be horribly boring because I was completely hopeless and single. My life, currently, would outrage so many religious people and worry my mother to no end, but I don't talk about everything I do. Maybe now that I have attention, I'm censoring myself! What's this?

Maybe it's because I don't need to remember every little bit of this stuff and so I've stopped talking about it, or maybe because it is really of no consequence to you, the reader, what I have done.

But anyways: Steak and a Blowjob day.

Basically, it is the male version of Valentine's Day (as it is about 28 days afterward). On Valentine's Day, the guy usually works his ass off trying to do something sweet and creative to "prove" his love for his partner. The commercial holiday basically is aimed at girls: all the spending goes towards them anyways. So, on March 14th, guys are "spoiled" with steak and a blowjob (which typically are the two things guys always want...well, if they can't get steak and sex).

Anyways, yesterday was fun. At like 3 ish, went to the driving range with James. It was fun, stress relieving, and silly. We left at like 4 and ended driving around for a good hour and a half. We stopped by the Walgreen's and decided to wander the aisles: ended up at the family planning aisle. Did you know that the Lambskin condoms are like 3-4 dollars a piece? That's pricy. We ended up at my house and sat and chatted for a little bit. James decided to put some coolent in his AC system and as he popped his hood up, my mom walks out of the garage. She asks if everything is okay and after a short explanation, she invites James to dinner. So we head off to dinner, Andrei was riding in the backseat.

At the end of dinner, my dad basically said he was the only one there with a real job. That was mean. On the way back home, my mom calls and says there's a UFO thing. We decided it was a blimp. So when we got to my house, James and I sat in the car and we pondered how he was different from all of my other relationships. The list got ridiculous.

Today hasn't been that exciting. Eh, tired

-What is it with Milestones?
Scarlet Bloodmoon