December 16th
Today would make it four months. A week from my birthday, the last full day of school in the 2008 year, and I got to spend two hours sleeping with him.
December 22nd - 11:48 pm
12 more minutes. I'm so excited. It took so long to get here, but looking back on it, I wouldn't want to change any part of getting to where I am. I've learned so much from all the shit and crap I've pulled through, put people through, thought and wanted. I've learned so much from all the people I've been with, talked to, met and never saw again. So, listening to the radio at almost 12, I guess it started a chain of thoughts: I've been worse, but I've probably never been better. I've had crappy experiences, but I've probably never been so happy. I'm better here.
People on the radio admitted a song made them think of their ex. They played the song. It didn't make me think of an ex. Tch. They aren't very noteworthy anymore. I was amazed. Really? There used to be times where I was so afraid that one day, I'd slip up and accidentally call out the wrong name. There were times where I convinced myself that I was so used to one thing that it was bound to happen eventually. Something changed. Maybe it was the day where I was laying in bed just pondering. Maybe it was the flutter of my heart when I silently called his name. Maybe it was the flutter that survived four months: longer than the flutter I felt last time. Maybe it just because I finally matured enough to realize I'm better than dragging a ball and chain, dragging emotional baggage that was long dead. I'm done. I'm finished with all of this stuff. I'm better than I was and I'm glad I had a chance to become a better person.
I'm so happy. I know it's probably ridiculous to plan on anything outside of immediate future, or to even want it, but I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to be this happy for the rest of my life, and I want to just live the rest of my life with this amount of love and emotion. It's been an amazing 4 months. It'll be an amazing lifetime.
-It's a world where everything is perfect and nothing you do can ever hurt me
Scarlet Bloodmoon
Title from: Thinking of You by Katy Perry
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Dystopia
Nothing much for the month of November. Umm...Drama, giving up on high school, Jeremy dropped out, learned more about abortion and abortion laws than any other teenager, cried and was all sad face as every single gay-rights proposition was voted in favor of the heterosexual, and figured out how much my mom really loves me. I have a bit over three weeks until I'm legal and I'm excited. Seriously. I've had a huge craving for unsweetened iced tea recently...it's been weird.
I don't know. It's been uneventful. Today is a one-month-anniversary for something none of us thought would really happen, and I've started a secret competition and will try to one-up the male. James and I think I have a better chance of having sex with the female than the male ever does. I guess, in that new-couple way, they're cute...but a month later, you can definitely tell that the relationship is kind of straining. She spends more time with us than him...
Bella's in a new relationship. While everyone thinks he's like another Otter, he's more mature than Otter ever will be. Eh, I'm not a very good judge of character, but James thinks that this new one is just as immature...Might not leave her in favor of video games, but not worth settling down with. Ex-druggie smoker apparently.
It's been more than three months since I've touched weed. I kind of want to do it again, because seriously, I'm done worrying and caring...but I don't want to find someone to get it from. I'm also dirt poor, so I'm not seeing how this will work out. Eh, something will wok out.
Jeremy's been harshly critical of everything I've done and how I choose to do stuff. It doesn't matter that he's a hypocrit or that he is seriously worse off than I am, no. It only matters that I'm not perfect and that since he's the one pointing blame, I'm the one with all the fault. I'm the one that's fucked up because I still go to school and choose to take personal days to get over things.
Neh. So my licence is suspended until Christmas...and since that epic sucks and I can't do anything about it, I'm going to stop worrying about it for a bit and then go do that when I can. Fuck the system and their couches, I will be on the road one day, and I will fucking love it.
-Just one shot. Just one prick. Then it's all over
Scarlet Bloodmoon
I don't know. It's been uneventful. Today is a one-month-anniversary for something none of us thought would really happen, and I've started a secret competition and will try to one-up the male. James and I think I have a better chance of having sex with the female than the male ever does. I guess, in that new-couple way, they're cute...but a month later, you can definitely tell that the relationship is kind of straining. She spends more time with us than him...
Bella's in a new relationship. While everyone thinks he's like another Otter, he's more mature than Otter ever will be. Eh, I'm not a very good judge of character, but James thinks that this new one is just as immature...Might not leave her in favor of video games, but not worth settling down with. Ex-druggie smoker apparently.
It's been more than three months since I've touched weed. I kind of want to do it again, because seriously, I'm done worrying and caring...but I don't want to find someone to get it from. I'm also dirt poor, so I'm not seeing how this will work out. Eh, something will wok out.
Jeremy's been harshly critical of everything I've done and how I choose to do stuff. It doesn't matter that he's a hypocrit or that he is seriously worse off than I am, no. It only matters that I'm not perfect and that since he's the one pointing blame, I'm the one with all the fault. I'm the one that's fucked up because I still go to school and choose to take personal days to get over things.
Neh. So my licence is suspended until Christmas...and since that epic sucks and I can't do anything about it, I'm going to stop worrying about it for a bit and then go do that when I can. Fuck the system and their couches, I will be on the road one day, and I will fucking love it.
-Just one shot. Just one prick. Then it's all over
Scarlet Bloodmoon
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