Proud of Something I Have No Right To Be Proud of

Once again, Pride takes over the general mindset as shocking news is learned. There is a moment of suspicion, of realization, and then of hoping that I was wrong. I mean, I kind of knew it was going to happen, but I never thought it would happen now. Something was off that morning, and it took realizing that he wouldn't even look at her or pay attention to her while she was bent over her desk in what seemed like discomfort. It wasn't the realization that tickles me with pride...It was the fact that I still hold a record.

I kind of want to know why it happened, but at the same time, I'm just going to accept that he feels things are different and thusly needs to get away before he starts hurting himself. It's always been like that for him, so I can see it happening like that. Anyways, moment of pride that I hate myself for having (not about the breakup, but about something a lot more...trivial?), but that's just that.

Moving on, I realize that we're really starting to develop a friendship. A real friendship! Sometimes, I don't know how I would react if I were still the annoying and clingy thing that I was before, but most of the time, I don't pay attention to that time of my life anymore. I'm just really glad that I am where I am...at least in this case.

I think I finally got rid of one of my...problems. Snake was shocked out of his skin the afternoon after he tried horribly to flirt with me. It took a moment to brush off and then flaunting a relationship in his face to break his concentration...and then his hope. I was dropping him off at his house, and all along the way, he was trying to play with me. After brushing most of it off, I finally told him I was in a relationship (because all through that day, I could have sworn it was really apparent that I was dating James) and he backed off like I was the plague. I couldn't help but laugh.

Through a lot of it, my vixen enjoyed it...wanted to play harder, you know. Some part of me was still as disgusted and just as I had ever been. I guess the whole "emotional relationship" thing is killing her...in the way that makes her mad and acts up all the time...She's really hard to kill...dang! She's hungry and I can't feed her...and there is no way in hell I'd allow anyone else to feed her. Whole ton of conflict there.

Ooh, new addiction: Raspberry Ice TOGO packs. They make a really great drink...

Anyways: This was a shorter piece, but I needed to finish an assignment. To sum it all up, I'm proud of things that shouldn't matter - I'm like the only one actually keeping score and it should all go away anyways, but I refuse to let it die; Snake is officially out of the question until I am single again (and my dad wonders why I hop from relationship to relationship. I hate playing, this keeps me from it); and my vixen is the hardest thing to ignore a lot of the time...Have I really come to depend on physical contact way too much?

Ooh, side note, no I haven't, Bella clings, I just need...treats.

-It's Been Ranty, It's Been Fun, It's Been Real
Scarlet Bloodmoon

PS - I strongly admire someone for being...so detached when bearing bad news. What does that say about me?

PPS - Last month's password was Conspiracy.