All through my life, I've always wanted to do something, accomplish something that I can look back on and know I've done something right or that I've changed the world in some little way. For all of my life, I just wanted to be an angel to someone...to know that someone loves me just that much. As high school came around, I've wanted to change the world even more, to be someone's angel. I've wanted to leave a little mark on the world. The past few days...I think I got what I wanted: I think I've become an angel.
Sunday, James and I left for Vegas. We got lost a little, found our way, drove a lot, laughed, talked, and had an amazing trip up there. We arrived at around ten that evening, went down to the strip and walked. Five hours later, we were in a hotel room and quickly fell asleep. We were planning on leaving that morning, but the car wouldn't start, so we walked to an Auto Zone, got starter fluid, started the car, drove to the strip, and walked some more. After dinner, when we were leaving, the car broke down about a mile from where we had stayed the night. Nothing we did could start the car. Defeated, we retreated back into the car. He was stressed as hell and more or less a wreck. At one point, I turned to him, shrugged and smiled. "You have no idea what you did there," he said, "you just saved my life."
"What?" There is no way he just said that...
"You just saved my life."
Fuck. More or less fully relieved, but still totally freaked out now. He reached over to lock the doors and reclined back in the seat.
After a bit of wondering what we could do, he called people for advice, and found out he had relatives in Vegas. Wow, that was convenient. As we waited for them to come meet us...it was definitely fun. We stayed the night with them while the car was towed into an auto shop and I seriously hope that by now, they know what is wrong with the car.
I've never felt so special...I've never had someone tell me I saved their life, I've never had anyone need me like that. I've never been so amazed at how a simple thing could make such an impact. I've never been so important to someone.
-Becoming a better person, one step at a time
Scarlet Bloodmoon
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
I Watched the Proverbial Sunrise
I can't get into a relationship just for fun...I know that these things aren't permanent...and I don't get so picky. I mean, if my next relationship would be the one I had to stick with for the rest of my life, I'd actually be picky...I'd actually analyze, follow, and get to know this person to the fullest extent. I wouldn't be playing for challenges...I'd be playing for real...but life isn't like that and no matter what, I will still be playing for challenges. I will still revolve my life around these games I love so much.
Written in June, I was reading over this before something clicked. After talking everything out with James the other day, he asked if we had stayed friends instead of getting into a relationship the first time, would we have a relationship today. Would we have talked about as much as we did when I was in Europe? He thought so. Then yes. He asked if that was what really brought back the relationship, if he was the only person I really talked to. Yes and no. The amounts of talking didn't do it, it was getting to know him. It was realizing that I had played for the challenge the first time, and finding that he was perfect if I wanted to play for real.
That totally means that I've matured enough to consider things for real! That totally means that I'm no longer playing to maintain a pattern or to prove a point, I'm doing this for real. This time, it's real. I'm glad I'm changing. I know it's for the better and I'm glad that I'm finally becoming someone better than who I've been. Let's hope I'm never foolish enough to play for challenges anymore.
-My Life is Perfect
Scarlet Bloodmoon
Title from: Who I Am Hates Who I've Been by Relient K
Written in June, I was reading over this before something clicked. After talking everything out with James the other day, he asked if we had stayed friends instead of getting into a relationship the first time, would we have a relationship today. Would we have talked about as much as we did when I was in Europe? He thought so. Then yes. He asked if that was what really brought back the relationship, if he was the only person I really talked to. Yes and no. The amounts of talking didn't do it, it was getting to know him. It was realizing that I had played for the challenge the first time, and finding that he was perfect if I wanted to play for real.
That totally means that I've matured enough to consider things for real! That totally means that I'm no longer playing to maintain a pattern or to prove a point, I'm doing this for real. This time, it's real. I'm glad I'm changing. I know it's for the better and I'm glad that I'm finally becoming someone better than who I've been. Let's hope I'm never foolish enough to play for challenges anymore.
-My Life is Perfect
Scarlet Bloodmoon
Title from: Who I Am Hates Who I've Been by Relient K
Saturday, October 4, 2008
It's October!
And normally, at the end of the month/start of the new month, I'd post something drabble with the password I've been using all month long as the title. Well, that was Imaginary...It was early, but it fit. The really sad thing is, my laptop charger committed hari kari and so I'm not using my laptop, which means I'm not changing the password, which means I am late! Sad face. September was amusing...lots of things happened and I got in so much trouble!
I don't know how September really started...well, the end of August was pretty silly. About a week into September, totally had sex everyday for a week. It was interesting. Was it towards the end of that week that I had finally died? What else happened? Seen more dry ice in the past month than I've probably ever seen in my life, had more sex than I've had in my life, been more honest than I've been in awhile, been more honest than I've been in any other relationship, been more open, been better in general. Oh, and I finally moved on. That was great.
So I told James I cheated on him. It was like 2 this morning and I've been really happy about it since. I mean, I had already told Bella most of the story, so it's not like it was still uber secret or something, and it was the right thing to do. I've been thinking about telling him for a month now, wondering when the right time would be. I'm so glad I can be honest and that I've matured enough to be a decent human being. It's so silly, he's the one person I am the most honest with...Screw storybook, fairytale love: this is what love is.
Homecoming was fun. Totally went to Walmart and Panda Express dressed up and then headed off to Dillard's just because. We wandered to Best Buy and eventually headed to school. I totally have to say that this year and Junior year are pretty much tied. The only thing that could have make junior year better was the fact that there were more people that I actually spent time with? And more people glowsticked at that one. And in retrospect, my relationship with my date hasn't deteriorated yet, so I guess that makes this year much more fun. And the really cool thing was, I made it home in time!
There hasn't been much going on. I guess in the past week, I've pretty much seen James like everyday and definitely talk to him online a whole ton. The main difference between this time and the last time we were dating is a whole ton more communication and a solid knowledge of how much I'm not corrupting him? Or maybe it's the fact that I'm totally over Cale now? I don't really care what it is now, and it's probably a whole conglomerate of all the things that changed between us, but I'm glad we had this chance to try again.
Well, my life has been epic for the past month and however many weeks. I only hope Karma won't be a bitch and take it all away from me...
-Always and Forever
Scarlet Bloodmoon
I don't know how September really started...well, the end of August was pretty silly. About a week into September, totally had sex everyday for a week. It was interesting. Was it towards the end of that week that I had finally died? What else happened? Seen more dry ice in the past month than I've probably ever seen in my life, had more sex than I've had in my life, been more honest than I've been in awhile, been more honest than I've been in any other relationship, been more open, been better in general. Oh, and I finally moved on. That was great.
So I told James I cheated on him. It was like 2 this morning and I've been really happy about it since. I mean, I had already told Bella most of the story, so it's not like it was still uber secret or something, and it was the right thing to do. I've been thinking about telling him for a month now, wondering when the right time would be. I'm so glad I can be honest and that I've matured enough to be a decent human being. It's so silly, he's the one person I am the most honest with...Screw storybook, fairytale love: this is what love is.
Homecoming was fun. Totally went to Walmart and Panda Express dressed up and then headed off to Dillard's just because. We wandered to Best Buy and eventually headed to school. I totally have to say that this year and Junior year are pretty much tied. The only thing that could have make junior year better was the fact that there were more people that I actually spent time with? And more people glowsticked at that one. And in retrospect, my relationship with my date hasn't deteriorated yet, so I guess that makes this year much more fun. And the really cool thing was, I made it home in time!
There hasn't been much going on. I guess in the past week, I've pretty much seen James like everyday and definitely talk to him online a whole ton. The main difference between this time and the last time we were dating is a whole ton more communication and a solid knowledge of how much I'm not corrupting him? Or maybe it's the fact that I'm totally over Cale now? I don't really care what it is now, and it's probably a whole conglomerate of all the things that changed between us, but I'm glad we had this chance to try again.
Well, my life has been epic for the past month and however many weeks. I only hope Karma won't be a bitch and take it all away from me...
-Always and Forever
Scarlet Bloodmoon
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